you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
