This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
