non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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