I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
