Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
