I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
