If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
