She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
We named our party play list daddy issues
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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