You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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