wrigley field is MILF paradise
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
