Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
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I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
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Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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