he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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