SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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