i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
