it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
