am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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