My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
