i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
