Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
