Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
nut hugger
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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