Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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