I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
