his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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