will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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