I'm jealous of your bromance
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
