He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
