I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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