Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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