You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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