Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
