the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
