What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
