reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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