how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
