Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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