I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
