no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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