she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
