just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
πππ what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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