Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
