I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
