doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
