I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
