I just threw up on my dentist
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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