So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
