What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
