High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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