I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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