sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize