she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
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she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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