i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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