Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
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Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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