my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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