I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
