I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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