i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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