did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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