The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
