life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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