walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
