i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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