someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
