if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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