in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
