Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
