Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
