chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
