don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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