apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
