remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
