We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
