walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
