I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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