I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I want her autograph on my taint
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
